-Best and Worst of All Dancing-


It's ok.

Thank you.

You can go now as far as you'd like to.
It's ok to cry sitting outside in the rain.
You can tell me but I won't tell you.
I don't understand your pain.
Besides, I'd hate to complain.
It's ok. I can deal. I can heal.


Thanks for the inspiration to feel.


So what is it you believe to be real?
Are our dying nightmares just dreams
Where happiness seems to be everything,
And everything is nothing that it seems?


Is this not what you know?
What did you say?
You can't get a cook hooked on crack every day?
We must all be ready for war with more incentive.
I want to make the scabbing of sores inventive
With new and unopened doors attentive
To the only inspiration left in me, 'death'.


The last flower still living unfolds
single, shifting, broken hearts -
Flues, emotional colds, and
Frail pallid body parts
And eyes,
And then it dies...
The only inspiration left in me, 'fear'.


Oh dear,

It would appear
Some sort of insect is swimming in my beer.
All creation has to stop now... right now and here.






-The End-


23 pills


In bars, on bars, these scars have scars.
This love of ours exists only in the stars,
And it is too dark to see in outer space.

How can you say no to this face?
This isn't me. Can't you see?
Now I'm twenty-three,
And all I want is a place in your heart.
Living just fine without you, still
All of this is about you... pill.

Where would you start?
What are your thoughts?

Tying everything in knots,
Until I can't untie them again.
This is why I can't keep a friend.
This is why it all fucks up in the end.
I am always without you and,
You're all I ever wanted.
You will never read this because you can't read.
So don't pay any attention to my lack of action.
Work out my problem.
Fill in this fraction.
I will never stop loving you like this,
My mistress... in a prescrïption bottle.



---


- Unborn-

If I cant compete
Why cant I retire,
Surrender defeat,
And die in the fire?
Dose she ever think
Anything of
What it'd be like to be
Painlessly loved?
I realize my lies hurt.
Forgiving, she tries first
To breath in the ash, dirt,
And smoke from the air
through her shirt.
I know she dose but,
I'd hate to say that
I like the abuse.
Your mom has your dad
At the end of his fuse.
There is not much use
For this extended death.
Your mom and your dad
Have just one thing left to live for.

Baby.

I cannot forget your,
Still waiting inside her
For the smoke to clear.
Can we all get out of here

together to be a family
unhappy?


Unborn baby, maybe
you'd be better off without me.

-=-

Dad dies in this fire.

It dosn't matter.

Dad is a liar.

-=-

-Topic of Discursion-


Hello, I am moral vanity.
I resolute for better and,
I restitute the weather for a loan all alone.
Oh no! Im lost poor old sanity.
I must construct a letter to
Let her go. Fuck. Forget her get the phone!

Did I not mention redemption instead?
Did I not say that I knew what was said?
Could this not be all inside your head? Please
Did I tell you to get up off of your knees? Jeez
Why dont you cover my mouth when I sneeze?

Teach me to read your mind and,
I will write your heart.
Teach me to stay inside the lines and,
Ill go back to try to start... the end.
Yes, this is us in our trend,
Made to break and mend and break again.

We redefine the meaning of "friend".
Its fine, for me, sometimes
Im likely, with wine, to bend then again.
I dont get it. It doesnt seem true.
I wouldnt want to have to be juiced,
To be introduced to you

This is the mixed up message I send.


Did we
Do we
Will we always
Have to pretend?

.

.

.




-Take it Out-

No.

No I'm not so great, really.
Still I can be... still... I'm NOT,
And I'm letting my self ROT alone.
I only want to be happy and...
Home. Help me. No.
No you can't help me.
I have to save myself... or,
I won't ever believe in myself...
Again.
You said you loved me.
You are my newest friend.
Friend.... Take it out of my eyes.
You said you loved me...
And.... I love you in these LIES.
I feel so full of happiness dope... SO FULL
Of over exaggerated hope... from a memory... so full
of you laughing at me, while I worry... for your soul.
Whats wrong with what I feel? You know...
whats wrong with what I feel. What should I do?
I don't know, from here,... where the fuck to go.
Everything always has to end this way with me.
You made me so happy... you helped me to see.
This chaos inside is never ending and somehow...
GET IT OUT OF ME ... I have to set it free.



.

.


-This rose is-


This rose is…

This rose is its own existence and,
In this instance, this rose is for you… dying.
I'm trying to escape this place,
To face a future filling fakes full of,
Ingested infested FROSTED FLAKES.
Still… making mistakes.
If only I knew what to do to…

ESCAPE

This road knows no end in distance and,
In persistence, this road is my friend anew,
And true.
I have so much shit still I need to do…
I spend most my time searching for you.
Help me escape.

.

.

.

.


.Feeling regret for feeling.


Fuck


-Loathing Time-


I'm pulling the clothing
off of her with my mind.
Everything's fine,
when everything's mine.


I'm beliving that evening
I offerd her the time,
but it's all a blur.
I could have given it all to her.


Yet... I know...


There is no
such discrepancy
created within me
to prove my fault.


She is her own lacerations,
I am only the salt
on elicited occasions.


Now...


I can't talk out loud.
I can't walk without,
this cloud...
raining down all this sadness on me...

It's time to be dramatic.
To
pretend to be the addict, that
she's always belived me to be.


Can anyone eles around me see?


I'm fucked.... I must be.
I'm rusting and dusty.
I feel alone even when I'm not.


It's all my fault...


I rot.

--------------------------------------------

-Prescrïption for Pain-


i am not without the encumbrance
of an army against me.
i am with doubt and redundance
of limitless agnst-
spoiled with love, self inflicted bad luck,
and thanks... for... giving.
fuck... what i would do for anything animated
to keep me from fading from the living.

i am dressed all in black just to hide the red.
i have been given a prescrïption to die
but i... am already dead.
i am not over reacting again and
pretending to have the chance.
i am with dreams and extremes,
drinking just to dance... real slow.


i have absract opinions and with them a million
ideas that... i forget to attack.
i have all odds against me and still...
i trust my life to the knife in my back.
some one please tell me...
is it safe for the brain to... let go?


-can i still complain if the pills kill the pain?






.

.

.

.

-Imaginary Chi-


When I see her
I see
a new point of view.
Im lonely
If only...
If only she knew.
Could I get through?
I see,
To be, it has to be true.
Im mistaken,
Abandoned,
Forsaken, unhanded, and
Damned to be me.
Its just lovely,
The tragic,
The sad and dramatic.
Companionless and happy
In my own
Melancholy colony of chi.


When I see her Im happy to be imaginary.
In her memory Ill always be
Unremembered.

.
.
.


-Fantasy Tea-


Sit and have some tea.
Think of me.
Should you add more sugar,
Or have you put too much?
Is there not enough strength in you to resist
This persistent, yet non-existent, touch?
One cube, two, or three?
Think of me.
How sweet do you want it to be?
Can you not see? An excessive degree,
Of that sugar will rot out your teeth.
Believe me
I know.
Don't worry its not over now.
I won't let go.
You've made me a part of you,
With all of your thoughts untold and,
As old as we are when we're old,
I will have some tea
And think of you,
Sweetest saccharine like honey.
I'll sit at the bar of the place that I stay.
Early in the morning before begins the day.
Sipping on tea, soothingly setting me at ease.
And in the chair by my side there you'll be.


You'll look at me and say,
"More sugar please".

.

.

.

-Give Me Torture-

When I can not find the answers I'm asking for,
I try to forget and I lie to the doctor.
My pills have run out. When can I get more?
Thanks to the medicine I can no longer feel.
I'm falling asleep just in front my front door.

Fuck. Fuck.
Give me a reason
Why? What,
Am I going to do
About you?
I don't want to live here
Without you,
But I really doubt you
Will give me...
Please,
give me another chance.

How can you not see the signs flying past you?
I just need some time to find a way to ask you.
Your not too far away to feel.
Please,
Give me another day heal.

Because I can't remember what it was like,
Not going to bed alone everynight.
Keeping her happy, avoiding the fight,
and living my life to keep the wife.

Thank you. You are right you know.
Your welcome I'm so nice... um... no.

I'm more like rust I just grow on
and ruin everything. I go on and
on venting to get it all out of me,
only to find myself deeper in
than I have ever been before.

I cannot keep you if I cannot care for myself...
I'm so sorry I'm too weak to keep in good health.

And I keep on begging for torture.

.

---Treasuring Things---

Everything happens so fast sometimes.
Life flies right past you and moments…
Important to remember moments…
Become the most treasuring things.

.

These memories of minutes of warmth from your soul,
Have taken me back to a time I was whole.
When I used to feel without doubt what was real.
Admiration in awe of the love I conceal.

I still like you.
You’re great.
I’m a silly man who pretends to relate.
I won’t fight you,
But wait,
It’s to bad we never got to go on our date.

I’ve been so outside of myself lately.
Ever since I got so sick off the liquor and beer.
Something inside me just can’t let you go.
Something inside…
Really wants you to be here.

.
.
.
.
?ebyam ?uoyssimiod


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