I'm going to make movies. I am not a fucking loser. And i will have plenty of money to live comfortably and depend on. I may not have any children... unless some how i end up back with Millicent. Yes. I said back with. Just ten minuites ago i read a letter to me all about how she can't be with me because i am too much like her dad. And because at the moment i'm not finacially succsessfull to say it lightly and because she dosn't believe in me and my dreams comming true. So basically i'm a loser who is going no where in life. Yay! So fucking wrong. I am going places. I am. I will make things for the rest of my life and they will be recognized by a few and appreciated and paid for. Imperfect is what it will all be and you will see yes. you will surely see. So i've been dumped. At first i grabbed the phone and tried to call her. i did it twice. then i cried like a little bitch and then i got on here and started typing this. I may be moving to las vegas soon. I don't know why vegas exactly other than having an uncle that lives there who i know will help us out at finding a place to live and work. I think if i get away from here i can heal a little better and it would also keep me from trying to get her to come back to me again. Because if i ever get to see her again i'm going to try. I love her in a way i can not even explain. And i know this because i have never felt so much pain from a goodbye and i have had to go through it three times now. And you'd think it gets easier to deal with but thats not the case. It's harder now than it ever was before. I believed in her. I believed her. I would have stayed in the states for her and made babies with her. I am about to start crying again. oh my god this is so hard. fuck. what am i going to do? how am i going to get through my day today? All i want to do is talk to her. convince her that i'm worth it to stick with to the end. That i would make her so happy. i don't know how exactly but thats all thats going to be going through my mind for awhile. I wish i could end this post now. Usually after typing stuff i feel better afterwards and this just isn't helping me at all. I just want back in her arms. I want to hear her voice whispering into my ear. I... feel.


.
.
.
.

i hope things go well for you brian... and I really hope that you decided to stay here cause there are plenty of ppl who love you just the same... and you never know what could happen... things change.. ppl change.. just stick it out and have hope... just don't run.. please???

if it means anything brian, i love you, and i want you to stay...

just think things through first ok?  don't do something irrational just cause you're hurt.. doing so can only bring out a bad result... trust me, i've done it for half of my life.. it's not a good thing to do or even think...

so give it time.. things'll get better... I promise

You remind me of Andy Warhol only not gay........and Imperfect reminds me of The Factory, only it's not a place..........







We should make it a place.