Have you ever had one of those moments when everything that has ever happened in your life just made sense?  I had never had one until today.  I almost wish that things still didn't make sense because it would some how be easier dealing with why things have happened the way they have.  I know this all sounds strange, but I guess all that matters is everything makes sense to me now.  I am finally at peace with all the stuff that has happened to me, but what really hurts now is that I have to help somebody else find peace now.  Somebody I care about with all of my heart and soul.  I wouldn't be able to help him if I hadn't had the struggles that I have had.  That's why it all makes sense now.  God saw it fitting for me to help this person, but the only way I could do that was to struggle myself.  My gut is completely wrenched with what all I have found out in the last 24 hours, but it's a weird calming feeling like I've never had before.  Instead of freaking out and crying and not knowing how I'm going to deal with this I am actually totally calm, and I wouldn't be if it hadn't been for all the stuff that I have been through.  It's crazy how I would like to thank all of the people who have ever completely hurt, betrayed, brain washed, and abused me.  Actually, on second thought I don't want to thank those people because nothing will ever make me thankful of them.  I would like to thank God for having me cross paths with those people because that's the reason why things, through all the madness that surrounds me right now, just disturbingly enough make imperfect sense.

I use to know some one who would always say, "Without sadness, one can never acheive true happieness". Life is such an experience... and full of experiences. The more tough times we go through the stronger and more experienced we become at dealing with tough times.

I'm really happy for you that things are making sense and you're feeling confident and positive.

   

** misses talking to raylee **

awe i miss talking to you too